Woe to Me! Existential Angst As Experienced by A Depressed Talking Feminist Monkey

[Trigger warnings for rape culture, alcoholism]
So last night I was at work (sometimes at my job I answer phones in the basement, and as a consolation prize for this shit, I get a laptop to fart around on. This makes it awesome) and reading some of my Angry Lady Blogs (tm), which, note, I have actually reduced the reading of, because the things I read so often make me really angry, and if I'm not at home where I can channel this aggression by grabbing my cat and and screaming "WHY? WHY, FLUFFY, WHY*?" then it's best to avoid the triggering material. But sometimes, I just can't help myself. So on this particular occasion I linked to some of these articles on my Facebook, and got into a lengthy debate with the ManFriend. Now, my MF is pretty amazing in most ways, and very supportive of feminist causes, but sometimes we speak a different language, especially when typing to each other. Anyway, I got royally pissed at him, and at myself, because "I must not be speaking clearly enough! Why isn't he getting this?" and was in a right awful mood when I got home.

Rewind. Add to this pile that earlier in the day I had  begun to write about some teenage experiences that were less than fun.  I may be posting some of it later, but it has to do with my depression and anxiety, and being the child of an alcoholic, and all the problems that creates. In addition, I've been planning a trip to go visit my very conservative brother and sister-in-law with my very conservative sister, all of whom I love dearly, but who can never let anything the fuck go. I'm worried that I'll spend this whole trip defending my views and soaking up repressed Catholic bitterness then soaking up UV rays.

So, feeling depressed and cut off from family, some of the only people who can relate to me in terms of my interpersonal skills (severely affected by being raised in an alcoholic environment), and then raging with my MF about Rape Culture led to this nasty downspiral of self-loathing and world-loathing that really ruined my night. Luckily, the MF and I were able to work things out before falling asleep, and I am now in much better sorts.

Anyway, the point of this, is that sometimes I really truly hate being female, and being a feminist.  I already feel pretty fucking alone in the world, due the circumstances in which I was raised, as well as my own mental chemistry. Add onto that the fact that most of the world hates my principles and wants to squash me because I'm a loud, angry woman.....just, Ugh Cakes, all around. Have an Ugh Cake!

Alright, I have to go to Home Depot. I'm cool like that.

-Starbuck

*My cat's name is not actually Fluffy. "Fluffy" is an alias.