3. The revolution will render all graphic representations of rape obsolete by smashing the domination/submission paradigm.
As someone who employs the D/S dynamic in her bedroom adventures with the SO and is somewhat involved in the culture of BDSM, it makes me uncomfortable the degree to which I agree with Jill. But is the D/S dynamic something that can be gotten rid of? Is it not present the world over in many lifeforms aside from humans? Even if it is, does that mean it’s inherent, or is it socialized into us? Is it all a product of the switch from forager-to-agriculture? I have so many questions and I’m not sure I want the answers. Living as a member of an oppressed class is depressing, obviously, and it becomes more so the more I learn about the myriad ways the P has got me down. I feel alone, powerless and pissed off, and when I don’t have energy to be pissed off, I try to simply shut down and walk around numb, insulating myself against the hate and and the sludge by detaching emotionally as much as I can.
I am reminded of a piece done on the equality issues inherent within the BDSM scene and how even though its members usually strive to be as egalitarian as possible, it is impossible to create a sub-culture free of the dominant culture’s influence, and thus the BDSM scene is not without its misogyny and hetero-centrism.
I tend to agree with Radfems on many issues, but BDSM is not one of them. Porn...it’s tricky. I see the points they make, and intellectually they are solid, but I don’t see how it would possible to strip humanity of its current state of D/S; is there a middle step between D/S and something else? From what I understand, Radfems like the author of the above post take issue with BDSM precisely because of its explicit fetishization of violence, D/S, subjugation of women, etc. While the concerns are valid, I don’t think that’s whole picture. Our society does fetishize those things, and it is harmful to women in many ways. But my experience within BDSM has been the opposite.
I’m sure one could say this is just massive rationalization of the fucked-upness of the P, and I’m just trying to make myself feel better about my participation in said fucked-upness. That may very well be. At the same time, I cannot help that fact that getting tied up and flogged gets me wet. It just does. For as long as I can remember, and likely for a long time to come (heh. See what I did there?).
I think the Kink world has plenty o’issues, and those do need to be worked on. But that doesn’t mean give up, it means keep making noise so that we can all have safer, healthy experiences in the future.
Time to drop, I gotta open the bar the next three days in a row. But then, sweet, sweet, vacation!
-Starbuck
As someone who employs the D/S dynamic in her bedroom adventures with the SO and is somewhat involved in the culture of BDSM, it makes me uncomfortable the degree to which I agree with Jill. But is the D/S dynamic something that can be gotten rid of? Is it not present the world over in many lifeforms aside from humans? Even if it is, does that mean it’s inherent, or is it socialized into us? Is it all a product of the switch from forager-to-agriculture? I have so many questions and I’m not sure I want the answers. Living as a member of an oppressed class is depressing, obviously, and it becomes more so the more I learn about the myriad ways the P has got me down. I feel alone, powerless and pissed off, and when I don’t have energy to be pissed off, I try to simply shut down and walk around numb, insulating myself against the hate and and the sludge by detaching emotionally as much as I can.
I am reminded of a piece done on the equality issues inherent within the BDSM scene and how even though its members usually strive to be as egalitarian as possible, it is impossible to create a sub-culture free of the dominant culture’s influence, and thus the BDSM scene is not without its misogyny and hetero-centrism.
I tend to agree with Radfems on many issues, but BDSM is not one of them. Porn...it’s tricky. I see the points they make, and intellectually they are solid, but I don’t see how it would possible to strip humanity of its current state of D/S; is there a middle step between D/S and something else? From what I understand, Radfems like the author of the above post take issue with BDSM precisely because of its explicit fetishization of violence, D/S, subjugation of women, etc. While the concerns are valid, I don’t think that’s whole picture. Our society does fetishize those things, and it is harmful to women in many ways. But my experience within BDSM has been the opposite.
By taking these dynamics that are harmful when forced upon the participants, as happens in daily life, they become empowering when we take them on freely. We are able to act out the internalized notions of violence and subjugation, and purge ourselves of their influence. Perhaps when persons participate in D/S kink, it is a form of dealing, interpreting, and revolting. We already know that Freud’s ideas of kinkiness being rooted in childhood abuse is balderdash. But, as I said before, no sub-culture is free of the dominant culture’s influence, no matter how fucked up it is. Our socialization matters. So what I’m getting at here, is that kinky sex/play is one big giant coping mechanism for those who, consciously or not, are fed up with the roles a Patriarchal society foists upon them, and want a means to express those D/S roles in a healthy, consensual way.
For my part, I can only say that discovering my kinky side has led to personal growth and establishment of barriers. Kink taught me how to say what I liked, what I did not like, and gave me parameters within which I could discuss my needs and a language to express them. At first I was reluctant to embrace my bottomy desires, because I thought that might make me a weak person. And as someone who has been trodden on her whole life in various ways, I was not too keen on it. Much to my surprise, embracing my submissive side in kinky play/sex correlated to me becoming a much more outspoken, independent person. I can’t say for sure that kink caused me to nurture a bolder side of myself, as I got other shit goin’ on, but it was certainly a factor.I’m sure one could say this is just massive rationalization of the fucked-upness of the P, and I’m just trying to make myself feel better about my participation in said fucked-upness. That may very well be. At the same time, I cannot help that fact that getting tied up and flogged gets me wet. It just does. For as long as I can remember, and likely for a long time to come (heh. See what I did there?).
I think the Kink world has plenty o’issues, and those do need to be worked on. But that doesn’t mean give up, it means keep making noise so that we can all have safer, healthy experiences in the future.
Time to drop, I gotta open the bar the next three days in a row. But then, sweet, sweet, vacation!
-Starbuck
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